to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize