like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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