theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
