I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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