Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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