I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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