I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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