So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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