her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
