Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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