She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
