Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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