At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
