Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
