I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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