I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
