Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
