I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
