Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
