I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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