There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
