why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
