I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
