you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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