last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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