Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
