$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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