How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
