He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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