just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
