I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
