found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
