so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
