false alarm. still invincible.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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