My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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