do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
