I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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