I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize