bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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