you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
