I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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