UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
