but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize