i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
