You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
