come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
