Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
