let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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