Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
