It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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