I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
