last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
