apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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