He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
