i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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