I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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