i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
