My first STD was from a foam party
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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