i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
