I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
