she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
