I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
