Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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