hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
