Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
