Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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