Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
