I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
