mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
