he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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