I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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