she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
two words...techno handjob
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
