i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
