she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
