Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
