I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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