I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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