I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did i walk over a car last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
